When something horrible happens to me, it always gonna push me to the point of 2 choices: either destroying myself or get myself back up and improving my situation in life..The thing about me is: I'm so suck in self destruction, i mean i'm not a smoker, alcoholic, let alone a fucking junkie LOL, and i'm not much of depressive type nor suicidal kind of character, i just act that way sometimes, maybe just to look cool, or deep, like tortured artist or something (i know, that's stupid).
Then, when something real happen that need me to choose the path of self destruction, i'll always choose the opposite way instead. It's not that i'm not thinking about suicide or any form of self abuse and destruction, it's just i'm not really good at it, i'm suck at it. Maybe it's because the way i was raised, since school whenever i fail, i'll always find a way to succeed or at least improving myself. Yeah i do feel like shit and I always wonder how is it like to choose other path, the self destructive tendencies. But if i did, it means i choose to be a loser.
Life gets tough day by day, i have to prepare myself and keep it on. Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair. I hope i never lose it. I hope.....
