The Victim.

I find it's very amazing that the one who really wants to break up their relationship find a way to hook up with someone new in 6 months or less...while a guy, a victim, like me are left stranded alone in some fucking pathetic island. How the hell they just seem to forget easily and move on with someone new? Are they really that heartless, cruel, cold hearted person? It’s like she going through this break up like a piece of cake, we been together for 5 years for fuck sake. This is really2 degrading for me. Sometimes i think all these 5 years, she just kept me on the line while she looked for someone else, making me like a fool holding on to this fake relationship. She used me and sold me out for her own happiness.

Sometimes, i really do want karma will get her someday,  to suffer the same pain that i've suffered. But i guess it isn’t always the best way, to wish bad things for others. She seems so happy right now so i should let her be. The best way is, to just live my own life, and live it for myself. The only thing that messed me up right now is the flashbacks that always come into my mind, trying to make me realize that i’ve lost so much. I even avoid certain places and songs that keep reminding me of her. But i will keep going through this mess, as i made some progress lately. I realize the very2 right direction is to leave that as a past experience. It’s just a part of life, and i can call it a story. The story that i will tell to my future children perhaps, if i luckily to be married, one day.

The things that i do right now, lecturing, teaching graphic design to the young, kept me preoccupied and eventually i found out that by comparing myself to my peers (who are in relationships, engaged and married),i was further ahead in terms of 'planning for my future'. Comparing to me, they will taking over relationship responsibilities, problems and commitment, having kids etc. It's a lot for them to do, to take care of. It's a lot of pressure for them. 

As for me, I'm stress-free. I have freed myself from the burden of being in relationship. Instead of taking over a lot of responsibilities, i focusing on my dreams and my future. But, despite that, i can deny the fact that the 'dreams' can only mean so much for such short time. I do miss the physical, mental, and emotional experience that one can share with a woman. I want what she had with that new guy now, the emotional, mental and physical connection of 2 people. Things like that are priceless and barely comes often.

But i still believe and told myself that there's someone for everyone.