Wasted Youth.

Here's the story, I'm 27 years old now, and 2 years ago, my first real love of 5 years dumped me. We had met as freshmen in 2006 and spent all of our time in university together. She was sweet, kind hearted, beautiful, and we spent most of our time together until we graduated in our degree.

Back then when i was 20, i was so immature,naive,low self esteem and self respect, and i vent all that negative emotion mostly towards her. I said all the stupid things when i let emotions rule me....back then i wasn't smart enough to realize this until it's too late, i destroyed what we had..i'm the guy that doesn't always realize the error of his ways at just the right moment. i take advantage of her kindness and take it for granted. She was very sympathetic, patient, giving n loving, n I’m too stupid to notice that, I disappointed her n yet she always put up with me. I was a douchebag, asshole n ungrateful bastard, and i still cant forgive myself for that.

Then on July 2011, she told me that we had grown too far apart. She told me she loved me "in a different way," now. She love me, but not as same as she used to. I didn't want to believe it. I begged her to stay with me. I promised to spend more time together and make it like things were when we first met, and change who i used to be, but she insisted on breaking up. I was devastated. She was the only girl I've ever been with. I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep, driving to secluded places and slamming on things and screaming until my hands were numb and I was out of breath, but as time went on, I realized and started to accept being without her.

I'm doing my best to move on, but being without her made me realize that I wasted so much of my youth. From 20 to 25, the time when most young guys are supposed to have fun and party and chase girls, I was stuck with this one who wouldn't even stick around.

I never learned to flirt. I never even learned to ask a girl out or even talk to her because I spent all my time with my girlfriend, and it's killing me inside. I want to meet someone new, but I'm 27 now and I feel like I'm still in fucking highschool! I can't even look a girl in the eye and ask for her name or say mine. 

It's so hard moving on alone. I'm trying to look to the future, but every day alone is more hope out the window. I feel like a ship adrift at sea; like a blind man trying to get out of a maze. Every day, I feel more and empty and dead inside.

The hardest part for me has been to look around and see everyone else around me - my friends, entering the "married and bred" phase of their life and here I am, effectively - as you feel - an 18 year old again.

I want to meet someone new. I want to go on a date again. I want to feel wanted and desired again, but I have no idea where to begin...So please god, help me.